It’s your favorite news junkie of all-time Pat Mcgroine! And I got to say it’s been a wild and crazy news year so far. Every week keeps bringing up more numbskullery and tomfoolery from around the globe. Sometimes the whole world just seems like a bad acid trip. Believe me, I know. Anyway, the Presidential election is about a year away and things are appearing to kick into high gear. The Republicans have a whole slew of crazy and bat-shit crazy candidates that demonize immigrants, gays, Muslims, and women’s reproductive rights. Basically, on every single major issue that matters, Republicans are on the wrong side of history.
Let’s take a look at the candidates. Ben Carson proves you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to run for President. Hell, you don’t even have to be a competent neurosurgeon. Have you heard this guy’s backstory? He’s being accused of lying about stabbing a guy; that is, he is emphatic that he did stab a guy (or attempted to) when he was young. Who the fuck admits to that shit? And on top of that he has a pretty wacky conspiracy theory about the Egyptian pyramids. And on top of all that he constantly sounds and looks like he’s falling asleep! If Ben Carson were anymore low energy, he’d need a jump start. Wake up, Mr. Carson!
Anyway, everyone and their mother is running for President on the Republican side, except Chris Christie. He’s too fucking fat to run for President. He’s kind of just waddling behind hoping there’s enough space at the proverbial table. I’d spend more time talking about Chris and the other candidates, but there’s too many. I’d rather spend my time talking about the man of the hour: Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is SO RACIST, he calls his shadow the n-word. Donald TRUMP is SO RACIST, he yells at his Mexican food. Donald Trump is SO RACIST, he calls every Asian person he sees ‘China man.’ And if that ain’t enough, the old Donald wants to round up Mexicans like cattle and deport ’em in addition to rounding up all the Muslims and creating a national registry. And if that wasn’t terrible enough, Donald had his angry supporters beat up a black protester. And on top of that Donald made fun of a special needs reporter. Can we all just collectively agree to call Donald what he is? A Nazi.
Donald is the only candidate that makes me feel like we have already lost, like the absolute worst of America has been manifested in one terrible candidate. The Donald is an angry, racist 4th grade bully with a big bank account. He’s as Presidential as Archie Bunker on meth.
Anyway, stay tuned for more satirical news commentary from your friend and mine, Pat Mcgroine.